Wait - Nancy Lee Demos

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;


Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.


I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate


and the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? You say wait”, my indignant reply.


“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!”


Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?


By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate,


Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?


I’m needing a ‘yes’ a ‘go-ahead’ sign.


Or even a ‘no’ to which I’ll resign.

You promised, dear Lord,

that if we believe,
we need to but ask, and we shall receive.


Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:


I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,


as my Master replied again, “Wait.”


So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,


and grumbled to God, “So I’m waiting… for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine…


and He tenderly said “I could give you a sign.”


I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.


I could raise the dead and cause the mountains to run.

I could give you all you seek and pleased you would be.


You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.


You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.


You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;


You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.


You’d not know the joy of resting in Me,


When darkness and silence are all you can see.

You’d never experience the fullness of love,


When the peace of my spirit descends like a dove.


You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,


But you’d not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,


The faith that I give when you walk without sight.


The depth that’s beyond just getting what you ask,


From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You’d never know should your pain quickly flee,


wait it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.


Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,


But oh, what a loss, if I lost what I’m doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see,


that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me…


and though oft My answers seem terribly late,


my most precious answer of all is still “WAIT.”

my "constant"

the most constant thing in the world is change... i've heard this time and again. but oh the stubborn girl in me just won't face it. i have my ideals. i make my own way. there are times when i'm on a standstill and yet the world rushes by - without a care, without concern. sometimes it's disheartening. more often than not it pains me to the very core of my being. nobody understands! whether it be because they just don't or won't... i don't know. but come to think of it, it doesn't matter. for at the end of the day, i am left to my own devices to pull myself together and move forward anyway. or am i?

i have always tried to be a good girl and i have always tried to make everyone feel loved and happy. but i guess there comes a point where you meet people who no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to. and it's not because you're not enough but it's probably more because of the reality that they have this deep void within them that they / you / nothing can't fill. why? i don't know. maybe they were born that way? nature vs nurture. or maybe it's because they have a prevalent feeling of discontentment that stems from their search for perfectness - one which in reality, no one can really get a hold of.

i never felt i'd get there. i always thought i could make things work and just keep the happiness alive. but alas, life had other plans. shaken. alone. i found myself searching for answers and (for lack of a better term) "fillers" to this newly actualized void in me. i looked high and low. ran into conversations and debates with people i trust. they helped yes, but they weren't enough. i still felt incomplete. and then He found me (again). and i was reassured of what i should have known all along - that He was always there. that i am never ever alone because God is always by my side... laughing with me when i'm happy and crying with me when i'm sad. He's committed to me in such manner that i probably will never truly comprehend - accepting and loving me for all that i am.

i am still in search for peace. but i am proud to say that i am somewhat in a better place now. i have regained confidence in the world and i don't feel so alone and broken anymore. God is my constant. when everything is changing and moving along. He's there. i can have faith and i can put my trust in Him because i know that although i may not know nor understand what's happening, He always has my interest at heart. more importantly, He will always... always lead me to that which is best for me.

a prayer

Lord, in the midst of all the hurry of another busy day,
let me find time to slow down a bit.
to pause and feel
your loving presence.
don't let me get so caught up with myself
and my demanding schedule,
that i lose the strength that i always gain
from my quiet moments with you.
help me today
to be at peace, Lord...
with myself, with my world, and with You.
Amen.

***

Father, help me nurture a grateful heart... to give thanks regardless of whether my plans are going the way i want them to or some other way. teach me to seek the good and beautiful despite all the challenges and obstacles that seem to push down my dreams.

please hold my hand and enlighten me. grant in me a heart that can and will love unconditionally. "to give and not to count the cost. to fight and not to heed the wounds. to toil and not to seek for rest. to labor and not to ask for any reward" - help me keep my cup full Father that i may never tire of giving and being of service to those who need it most.

thank You for all the blessings You have given me. although these days haven't been as wonderful as before, i am still in thanksgiving for all the love and support that i am being showered with.

Father, help me remember that You have a divine plan... that things aren't always as they seem to be and that it is in the dark moments that we are able to get closer to You. help me keep the faith and trust in the goodness of Your word. make me remember and instill in my heart Your promise of redemption and salvation. after all, nothing is impossible for those who put their trust in You.

nuggets of inspiration

God has a way of reaching out to us... we have questions... He answers. subtly. slowly. sometimes it seems that He doesn't. but as a lot of people have told me, He will eventually. maybe when you least expect Him to. maybe when you feel that all hope's lost. but He does answer - in His time. so keep the faith. God never fails those who put their complete trust in Him.

i understand the feeling of loneliness and despair. seeking for answers or solutions that never seem to take light. it's disheartening. soul wrenching but then as the wheel of life turns and my circumstance reaches an all time low... He pushes me up. He gives me a ray of hope and slowly, everything just feels brighter. somewhat lighter even.

the turbulent storm that has rattled my life hasn't really settled. i don't want to go all nega - as this is my happy place in the world wide web but... i'm trying. i'm doing my best to cope and to live each day with a faithful and trusting spirit. i'm a planner... i like to schedule my days and well, plan my life BUT i guess sometimes He just has to rock the boat and make me return back to trusting Him and His plans for me. i haven't lost hope. i still wish and pray for that which my heart desires but i am also giving in to Him... letting Him work His way in my life. maybe my dream will find its way back to me or maybe a new dream will emerge. i don't know. but what i do know is this, God will always give what is best and good for me.

thank you Father for all the amazing people who in their own special ways, make me work to become tougher, stronger and more resilient to the ways of the world. i pray that You continue to guide me and fill me with Your unconditional love and mercy. i put my life and trust in Your hands.

***

someday, all events in our lives will make perfect sense.
for now, let's laugh at the confusion.
smile through the tears and know that everything happens for a reason.
let's trust God that from our great troubles will come our best rewards

***

"Father God, as i go through this day...
various thoughts will pass through my mind
and in the midst of my thinking,
despair may creep in when problems come to mind.
Lord, may my soul be encouraged by Your character
so that as i wait and trust in You,
joy would replace despair" - Psalm 42:5

***

a person who spends time on their knees,
has no trouble standing on their feet.

***

"the more we listen to God's voice, the louder it gets.
the more we seek the light, the brighter it becomes.
this is God's love and compassion for us making itself known.
and in His growing presence, we become stronger
and our faith is renewed" - Proverbs 8:34-35

***

"there will be many times when life will leave us
stretched into an awkward position.
when trials seem to overwhelm us,
let us consider them as God's gracious gift.
a warning system which He has put in place
to steer us back within His perfect will.
God alone can answer and meet all our needs." - Psalm 32:7-8

***

reading list 1: the good and beautiful god

today i will start reading james bryan smith's "the good and beautiful God" - i saw this during my last visit in OMF and the book just called out to me.

i've always wanted to develop and grow a stronger, closer and more intimate relationship with God so hopefully, in getting to know Him more... i will attain that and in the process, also have a deeper understanding of who i am and what my purpose in this world is.

***

i was watching the news earlier and i couldn't help but be affected by the tragedy that has befallen our brothers and sisters in japan. numerous lives have been lost, while many others have been changed in ways that none of us could ever explain nor give justice to.

tragic. unfair. crazy. we can call and curse this natural disaster for the destruction it has brought. we look up at the heavens and ask "why? how could this happen? where's God in all of these?" - i don't think we can really blame ourselves for such feelings BUT if we look closer, we can see that it is in trying times that God is able to work His glory... it is when He draws out His plans for His people and gives them the initiative / push to return to Him and live out His words.

going back to the news report, it will be good to somewhat change our perspectives a bit. see the lesson and the inherent good in the situation. after all, we hear about heroic acts of normal individuals. we see and read about citizens and countries alike doing all that they can in order to be of service and offer assistance to their brethren. we see faith in action. we see joy amidst pain and suffering. most important of all, we see and are given a flicker of hope and belief in the resiliency of the human spirit. the fight for survival is not easy but with God at our side, nothing is impossible.

beloved

re-posting this because i think it's something i need to tell myself and everyone else:

Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power but self-rejection... When we come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection... as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking: 'Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.'

Instead of taking a critical look at the circumstances or trying to understand my own and others' limitations, I tend to blame myself - not just for what I did, but for who I am. My dark side says: 'I am no good... I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned...'

Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved.' Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence. I am putting this so directly and so simply, because, though the experience of being the Beloved has never been completely absent from my life, I never claimed it as my core truth. I kept running around it in large or small circles, always looking for someone or something able to convince me of my Belovedness. It was as if I kept refusing to hear the voice that speaks from the very depth of my being and says: "You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests...'

We are the Beloved. We are intimately loved long before our parents, teachers, spouses, children and friends loved or wounded us. That's the truth of our lives. That's the truth I want you to claim for yourself. That's the truth spoken by the voice that says, 'You are my Beloved.' - "Life of the Beloved" by Henri J.M. Nouwen

thought for the day

A person that has a "happy spirit" does not easily get tired
and is always disposed to do good.

We've been created for a greater purpose,
so don't let yourself fall into things that remove the beauty
of your God created heart.

Instead, let the peace of God guard and protect it.

a very colorful 2011

i love it! 2011 is and will be a very colorful year! lots of fun and exciting things have happened and are about to happen!! for example, a couple of weeks ago, we went to the hot air balloon festival. i had loads of fun hanging out with the family and watching the various balloons fill up and take flight!

then there's tonight. tonight is THE NIGHT for someone very dear to me... i can't wait!! i've been keeping mum for the past few days but the day has finally arrived!! whoopeeee! time to set an alarm for 9 / 9:30pm!

other things to look forward to:

- i think we're really pushing through with the whole monthly (or at least regular) get together with the girlfriends and boyfriends! note to self, stop being so anti-social and say "yes" more often to spontaneous plans...

- an upcoming journey with my "adventure partner"... so happy that after two years, we're finally going at it again! :)

- more gastronomic experiences as we slowly tick off the places we haven't been to in OAP's top 100 list

- possible trips to local destinations with my loved ones

- the stack of new books that are currently waiting for me!

- watching my little investments grow and grow and grow... hopefully, by the end of the year, i'll have a better understanding of myself, a deeper relationships with God plus all those people i hold dear to my heart and a better grasp of how i am to ensure my stability for the future :)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me,
and I will listen to you. You will seek me with all your heart.
I will be found by you," - Jeremiah 29: 11 - 14